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Friday, December 10, 2010

How Not to Lose Santa

If you knew me back at LiveJournal last year, then this post isn't new.  For the rest of you (which, let's face it, is almost everyone), hope you enjoy these tips.


For better or for worse, I figured out that Santa wasn't real when I was 4. Yes - 4!! As the parent of a 4 year old child, I find myself looking back on the tell-tale clues that gave it away for me so that I don't make the same mistakes. And it's not like my parents were idiots or anything. Just sometimes, 4 year olds are smarter than you give them credit for. So here's my list of tips to avoid losing Santa for your child:
(This is Santa's non-verbal expression of his desire for your children not to stop believing.)

1. Use different wrapping paper than what you use on your own presents. The excuse that Santa was really busy and asked mommy to wrap his gifts doesn't fly. Trust me, there's lots of different kinds to choose from and you can get that extra roll for a mere $1. It's worth it.


 Going hand-in-hand with this tip is the obvious advice to disguise your handwriting. Like I said, even 4 year olds can tell sometimes.

2. If your house doesn't have a chimney (as my parents' double-wide trailer did not), then try to avoid reading your child "The Night Before Christmas." It's pretty much the Bible on how Santa gets into and out of your crib. Rumor has it that I knew the story by heart. Perhaps that explains why I started questioning Santa in the first place. I mean, how the hell was he supposed to get in?


3. If your child is afraid of Santa, do not have some dude dressed up as Santa make an appearance at your front door on a night OTHER than Christmas eve. This is perhaps 2 tips. No Santa period. If you have Santa, make sure he appears ON Christmas eve.


In my personal experience, when my parents made this double mistake, it resulted in me locking myself in the bedroom and refusing to come out until I had assurance that the fat guy in red had vacated the premises. This experience perhaps made me WANT to doubt Santa's existence. Please God, don't let that guy come back in my house!

4. And last but not least, avoid fake or cheesy Christmas themed places. This one isn't obvious and it's hard to avoid. Growing up, my mall had some fake reindeer heads sticking out a barn singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" ad nauseum. Now, if I'm being honest, I liked those deer WAY better than Santa (upon whose lap I obviously refused it sit). But come on, they were clearly fake. And if the deer aren't real, is Santa? The same goes for those lame little UNPOPULATED elf villages that appear in towns (like St. Augustine, Florida) OTHER than the North Pole. I'm all about having fun with your kids, but think ahead! That's all I'm saying.

3 comments:

salarsenッ said...

Hah...yeah, the chimney one is a tough one. Even now. We have a fireplace. The kids eventually questioned the proper technique poor Chris Cringle would have to master to properly slide down the chimney. I eventually gave up and said we open the door for him. *sigh*

Christine Danek said...

Thanks for these tips. My daughter is five and I'm crossing my fingers I don't slip. She doesn't miss a thing.

kellyhashway said...

I use lots of different wrapping paper for my daughter's gifts for this exact reason. I usually don't tell her what we bought and what Santa bought unless it's something really special. That also helps.
I also explain that Santa is magic, so she doesn't rely on the whole chimney thing. We do have one but it's connected to our gas stove in the living room so it wouldn't really work. She completely believes in magic, so that works for her.

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