How Not to Lose Santa

If you knew me back at LiveJournal last year, then this post isn't new.  For the rest of you (which, let's face it, is almost everyone), hope you enjoy these tips.

For better or for worse, I figured out that Santa wasn't real when I was 4. Yes - 4!! As the parent of a 4 year old child, I find myself looking back on the tell-tale clues that gave it away for me so that I don't make the same mistakes. And it's not like my parents were idiots or anything. Just sometimes, 4 year olds are smarter than you give them credit for. So here's my list of tips to avoid losing Santa for your child:

(This is Santa's non-verbal expression of his desire for your children not to stop believing.)

1. Use different wrapping paper than what you use on your own presents. The excuse that Santa was really busy and asked mommy to wrap his gifts doesn't fly. Trust me, there's lots of different kinds to choose from and you can get that extra roll for a mere $1. It's worth it.

 Going hand-in-hand with this tip is the obvious advice to disguise your handwriting. Like I said, even 4 year olds can tell sometimes.

2. If your house doesn't have a chimney (as my parents' double-wide trailer did not), then try to avoid reading your child "The Night Before Christmas." It's pretty much the Bible on how Santa gets into and out of your crib. Rumor has it that I knew the story by heart. Perhaps that explains why I started questioning Santa in the first place. I mean, how the hell was he supposed to get in?

3. If your child is afraid of Santa, do not have some dude dressed up as Santa make an appearance at your front door on a night OTHER than Christmas eve. This is perhaps 2 tips. No Santa period. If you have Santa, make sure he appears ON Christmas eve.

In my personal experience, when my parents made this double mistake, it resulted in me locking myself in the bedroom and refusing to come out until I had assurance that the fat guy in red had vacated the premises. This experience perhaps made me WANT to doubt Santa's existence. Please God, don't let that guy come back in my house!

4. And last but not least, avoid fake or cheesy Christmas themed places. This one isn't obvious and it's hard to avoid. Growing up, my mall had some fake reindeer heads sticking out a barn singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" ad nauseum. Now, if I'm being honest, I liked those deer WAY better than Santa (upon whose lap I obviously refused it sit). But come on, they were clearly fake. And if the deer aren't real, is Santa? The same goes for those lame little UNPOPULATED elf villages that appear in towns (like St. Augustine, Florida) OTHER than the North Pole. I'm all about having fun with your kids, but think ahead! That's all I'm saying.

Santa Baby: The Aspiring Author's Version

It's amazing how changing just a few lyrics to one of my favorite holiday songs makes it just perfect for aspiring authors!  I'd take any of these gifts please.

 

Santa baby, slip an agent under the tree, for me

I’ve been an awfully good girl

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, I’d like to sell at auction too, for two

Million bucks would be nice

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the sleep I’ve missed

Think of my characters who got to kiss

Next year I could write oh so good

If you’d check off my Christmas list

Santa honey, I wanna shot

And really that’s not a lot

Been working so hard all year,

Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there’s one thing that I really crave – a rave

Review of my latest work

Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa baby, you know what really would make me squeal? A deal!

Sign your “X” on the line

Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my Christmas tree

With a list of requested autographs from me

I really do believe in you,

Let’s see if you believe in me.

Santa baby, forgot to mention something so tame: pure fame

The Stephanie Meyer’s kind

Santa baby, and hurry down my chimney tonight.  

Best I've Read 2010

Stealing the "Best I've Read 2010" theme from Mundie Mom's, I decided to share some of my personal favorites from the past year.

I remember composing this list for 2009, and it had amazing titles on it like Shiver, Need, The Pace and Beautiful Creatures.  So what about 2010... did it live up to my expectations?  Yes and no.

The sequels to some of the 2009 titles that I loved so much were disappointing.  Other than Beautiful Darkness (which I haven't read yet), I found round II of these books far less engaging than the original. But I found some new titles -- which are sure to be the first in their own series -- that captured by attention in 2010.

For instance, I loved Firelight by Sopie Jordan.

White Cat by Holly Black was awesome.

And My Soul to Keep by Rachel Vincent was one of those sequel books that DIDN'T disappoint.

Other than that, I don't know that I was really "wow"ed by anything.  I read a whole bunch of good books, don't get me wrong, but not all that many that knocked it out of the park.  In the interest of full disclosure, I've only just started The Eternal Ones and haven't yet open Paranormalcy, both of which I expect to be excellent.  (Here's hoping anyway.)

What about you... how do you think 2010 faired in new titles?  What did I miss that would've turned my whole opinion of the year around?

Tyger, Tyger: A Book Review

     Teagan Wylltson's best friend, Abby, dreams that horrifying creatures--goblins, shape-shifters, and beings of unearthly beauty but terrible cruelty--are hunting Teagan. Abby is always coming up with crazy stuff, though, so Teagan isn't worried. Her life isn't in danger. In fact, it's perfect. She's on track for a college scholarship. She has a great job. She's focused on school, work, and her future. No boys, no heartaches, no problems.
     Until Finn Mac Cumhaill arrives. Finn's a bit on the unearthly beautiful side himself. He has a killer accent and a knee-weakening smile. And either he's crazy or he's been haunting Abby's dreams, because he's talking about goblins, too . . . and about being The Mac Cumhaill, born to fight all goblin-kind. Finn knows a thing or two about fighting. Which is a very good thing, because this time, Abby's right. The goblins are coming.

I posted a mid-point review of Tyger, Tyger here because I was having so much guilt over not finishing the book before it's release on November 15th.  After all, I'd been fortunate enough to receive an ARC from the publisher via netgalley.com (if you're a book reviewer, check it out).

I had two main gripes then: (1) starting with monkeys and (2) Gaelic names I couldn't pronounce.  Those gripes didn't change as I finished the books.  I did find a third potential gripe, but I'm not sure it's fair.  I say that because, I found I was a bit confused in parts of the book, but I didn't read this cover to cover quickly enough. In fact, it probably took me about a month.  So in all fairness to the book, I'm sure I forgot and/or missed key parts that would've made it more clear.

That being said, I found the book to be very well written.  Some of the events as the characters journey into Mag Mell were richly described and completely surprising -- things I didn't see coming.  Without posting any spoilers, the ending came full circle back to the beginning in a way that tied things up nicely without leaving a perfect little bow.  Kersten Hamilton is obviously a gifted writer and storyteller, I just think that overall, this wasn't the best story for my own personal tastes.  If you don't mind hard Irish names, or you love independent, kick-butt female MCs, you'll probably really enjoy Tyger, Tyger.

In short, I give it 2.5 out of 4 Greek coins.  Not quite URA* but better than ICBW.  If you want to read the first few pages or buy your own copy, check out the Amazon page. Happy Friday!

Literary Turn-Offs

We all know how subjective the book industry is, right?  I mean, you would never find me in a memoir or biography section of the bookstore.  And probably the majority of "adults" don't exclusively read YA like I do.  It's all personal taste.

But today I felt like blogging about some of my personal "turn offs" in literature and find out if y'all have any similarly irrational perfectly acceptable dislikes.


1.  Starting with a Dream Sequence. 
We all know this is a "biggie" for agents and editors. But for me, it's "starting" that's the key.  Because I don't mind dreams in the right places and doses.  (Heck, Nikki and I have been writing plenty.)
I'll confess, when I first started DESTINED forever ago, following a pointless prologue, the book opened with a dream.  Can we say double suicide?  Thankfully, I've learned a few things since I blindly started clicking away on the keyboard and now appreciate why starting with a dream is so disorienting to the reader.

2.  Monkeys
 I know, totally random.  But I mentioned this when I did my mid-point review of TYGER, TYGER What was an otherwise well-crafted novel lost me at the start because the main character was working with a chimp.  To top it off, she liked said chimp, even though the feeling wasn't mutual.  In fact, the chimp smears chimp poop on the MC's sweater in the first chapter.  Gross.  And btw, this ---> is NOT cute.

3.  Names I Cannot Pronounce.
Perhaps another thing that bothered me about TYGER, TYGER as I got more into it was that the Gaelic names.  I can't pronounce them.  I just can't.  and when I cracked open my ARC of HUNTRESS, the first page looking back at me as a name pronunciation guide.  A whole flipping devoted to telling me how to say the names in the book.  TMW - too much work.  (Along those same lines, give your characters the normal spelling of their name, not Jyssica or Airica, or something that could be spelled normal but is now messed up just for me to stumble over.)


4. Dumb Main Characters.
Your MC doesn't have to be a rocket scientist, but if she's opening the door we all know the bad guy's hiding behind, I'm probably going to be pissed.  Likewise, if I can see the ending coming from 100 pages away and your MC is too dumb to figure it out... Me = Not Happy.
I expect a modicum of logic and common sense from my characters or I just can't read their stories.


5.  YA Chick Lit
I don't know why.  I love YA paranormal, but cannot stand chick lit.  For example, a friend gave me GEEK HIGH to read because she loved it.  While the start was  clever, it soon got redundant and impossibly boring.  Didn't finish. I think it's just the atmosphere of constant catty, snotty, stereotypical behavior directed and one, poor little main character (aside from her one friend, who's way too cool for her anyway) that drives me up the wall.  All I can say is: More Paranormal. Less Check Lit.

Phew.  That rant's off my chest now.  I feel much better.  Sorry if I offended your reading tastes and/or favorite books and/or you personally.  I didn't mean to. So tell me your quirks... what makes your skin crawl while you're reading (so I can be sure not to write that)?